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  1. #1
    Resident Smart Ass's Avatar
    Resident Smart Ass is offline I ASK THE QUESTIONS AROUND HERE
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    Talking If men wrote advice colums

    Q: My husband doesn’t know where my clitoris is.

    A: Your clitoris is of no concern to your husband. If you must mess with it do it in your own time or ask your best friend to help. You may wish to videotape yourself while doing this, and present it to your husband as a birthday gift. To ease your selfish guilt, perform oral sex on him and cook him a nice meal.


    Q: My husband is uninterested in foreplay.

    A: You are a bad person for bringing it up and should seek sensitivity training. Foreplay to a man is very stressful and time consuming. Sex should be available to your husband on demand with no pesky requests for foreplay. What this means is that you do not love your man as much as you should; He should never have to work to get you in the mood. Stop being so selfish! Perhaps you ca make it up to him by performing oral sex on him and cooking him a nice meal.



    Q: My husband has too many nights out with the boys.

    A: This is perfectly natural behaviour and it should be encouraged. The man is a hunter and he needs to prove his prowess with other men. A night out chasing young single girls is great stress relief and can foster a more peaceful and relaxing home. Remember, nothing can rekindle your relationship better than the man being away for a day or two (it’s a great time to clean the house too!) Just look how emotional and happy he is when he returns to his stable home. The best thing to do when he returns home is for you and your best friend is to perform oral sex on him. Then cook him a nice meal.


    Q: My husband continually asks me to perform oral sex on him.

    A: Do it, Semen can help you loose weight and gives a great glow to your skin. Interestingly, men know this. His offer to allow you to perform oral sex on him is totally selfless. This shows he loves you. The best thing to do is to thank him by performing it twice a day: then cook him a nice meal.


    Q: My husband always has an orgasm then rolls over and goes to sleep without giving me one.

    A: I’m not sure I understand the problem. Perhaps you’ve forgotten to cook him a nice meal.


    Q: My husband wants a threesome with my best friend and me.

    A: Obviously your husband cannot get enough of you! Knowing that there is only one of you he can only settle for the next best thing, your best friend. Far from being an issue, this can only bring you closer together. Why not get some of your old college roommates involved too? If you are still apprehensive, maybe you should let him be with you friends without you. If you’re still not sure then just perform oral sex on him and cook him a nice meal while you think about it.
    Last edited by Resident Smart Ass; 09-09-06 at 11:33 AM.
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  2. #2
    slamdunc's Avatar
    slamdunc is offline On The Beat
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    I ripped this off, modified it and e-mailed it to both of my friends. That is good stuff.
    'The Art of War' teaches us to "Rely not on the likelihood of the enemy's coming, but on our own readiness to receive him"--Sun Tsu

  3. #3
    CountyFourteen's Avatar
    CountyFourteen is offline Sergeant
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    seems like good advice to me!
    Any Post I make is my opinion only!
    I do not have the authority or the permission to post for my Sheriff's Office.



  4. #4
    BigDawg's Avatar
    BigDawg is offline K-9 Officer
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    I don't see any problems with it. Its all very good advise.
    "An Unarmed man can only flee from evil, and evil is not overcome by fleeing from it." Jeff Cooper


    Some people are meant to be the police......Some people are meant to call the police!!!

    "Socialism only works in two places: Heaven where they don't need it and hell where they already have it."
    -Ronald Reagan


    " I believe that forgiving them (Terrorist) is God's function. OUR job is to arrange the meeting."
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    Not all Muslims are Terrorists, but all Terrorists are Muslim.
    (author unknown)


    The statements posted by BigDawg DO NOT reflect the opinions, views, policies, or procedures of the author's employing agency. These statements are the personal opinions of BigDawg only, thereby releasing my agency of any liability, or involvement in anything posted under the user name of BigDawg. The opinions expressed by BigDawg are protected by the 1st Amendment of the U.S. Constitution. BigDawg’s messages are intended to invoke thought and discussion among the "Officer Resources" forum community and may not necessarily reflect the opinion of the author. BigDawg’s posts and any attachments are intended for an adult audience (18+) and may contain strong language, sexual content, nudity, violence, and may be graphic in nature. Some material may be considered offensive; reader discretion is advised. Please note that many of BigDawg’s posts are intended for entertainment value only. BigDawg’s posts are not intended to be used where prohibited by law. Furthermore, BigDawg's posts, and any attachments, may contain information covered by the Electronic Communications Privacy Act, 18 U.S.C. 2510-2521, and is confidential and proprietary in nature. If you are not the intended recipient, please be advised that you are legally prohibited from retaining, using, copying, distributing, or otherwise disclosing this information in any manner.

  5. #5
    CountyFourteen's Avatar
    CountyFourteen is offline Sergeant
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    I had to come back and read it again.......I was wondering what was for dinner tonight......but seeing this advice....I know what I have planned, lol
    Any Post I make is my opinion only!
    I do not have the authority or the permission to post for my Sheriff's Office.



  6. #6
    pc830cop's Avatar
    pc830cop is offline Just another squirrel looking for a NUT
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    ROFLMAO

    I'm going to post it im my reserve unit's newsletter!


    Searching for Evil and the Perfect donut (Love that book)

    "It's not who you are underneath, but what you do that defines you"
    -Batman Begins

    There are gains for all our losses
    There are balms for all our pain
    But, when youth, the dream, departs
    It takes something from our hearts
    And it never comes again

    "Captain, it is I Ensign Pulver. I just threw your damn palm tree overboard. Now, what's all this crap about no movie tonight?" -Ens Pulver in Mister Roberts

    The man who will go where his colors go, without asking who will fight a phantom foe in the jungle and mountain range, without counting, and who will suffer and die in the midst of incredible hardship, without complaint, is still what he has always been, from Imperial Rome to sceptered Britain to democratic America. He is the stuff of which legions are made. ...His pride is in his colors and his regiment, his training hard and thorough and coldly realistic, to fit him for what he must face...and his obedience is to his orders. He has been called United State Marine.
    T.R. Fehrenbach, This Kind of War

  7. #7
    ghost98 is offline BEEN THERE BUT NOT EVERYWHERE
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    Just do it and cook me a nice meal!!! I could get used to saying that

  8. #8
    slamdunc's Avatar
    slamdunc is offline On The Beat
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    Quote Originally Posted by pc830cop View Post
    I'm going to post it im my reserve unit's newsletter!
    Now there's an E.O. complaint just waiting to be filed. That is some funny stuff.
    'The Art of War' teaches us to "Rely not on the likelihood of the enemy's coming, but on our own readiness to receive him"--Sun Tsu

 

 

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