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09-20-06, 10:35 PM #1
Does any one of these apply to you?
Liquor manufacturers have accepted the Government's suggestion that the following warning labels be placed immediately on all varieties of alcohol containers:
1:WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the hell happened to your bra and panties.
2:WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you are whispering when you are not.
3:WARNING: The consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like a retard. We have evidence of this one at rallies
4:WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell your friends over and over again that you love them.
5:WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to think you can sing.
6:WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that ex-lovers are really dying for you to telephone them at four in the morning.
7:WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you can logically converse with members of the opposite sex without spitting.
8:***WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are tougher, smarter, faster and better looking than most people.
9:WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people are laughing WITH you.
10:WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause pregnancy.
11:WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe you are invisible.
12:WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause a disturbance in the time-space continuum, leaving you unable to account for large chunks of time.
13:***WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you have mystical Kung Fu powers, resulting in you getting your ass kicked.
14:WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to roll over in the morning and see something really scary.
15:WARNING: The consumption of alcohol is the leading cause of inexplicable rug burns on the forehead, knees and lower back.Don't you just hate it when someone's balls are hidden so well, they can't seem to find it themselves ~ RSA
You can't avoid gossip & rude words from
people. You can't please everybody. But remember, they wouldn't bother if you meant nothing.
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A PINT OF SWEAT SAVES A GALLON OF BLOOD ~ PATTON
09-20-06, 10:43 PM #2
Nope, not me. But I'll bet that #1 happens to you all of the time.
09-20-06, 10:46 PM #3GrasshopperVerified LEO
- Join Date
- Rep Power
I have experienced most of those.And Shepards we shall be,
for thee, My Lord, for thee,
Power hath descended forth from Thy hand,
That our feet may swiftly carry out Thy Command.
So we shall flow a river forth to Thee
And teeming with souls will it ever be.
In Nomine Patris, Et Filli, Et Spiritus Sancti.
09-20-06, 11:04 PM #4
Reasons why I quit drinking: #2, #3, #4 , #11, #12, and especially #8 & #13.
"Stupid should hurt."
09-20-06, 11:05 PM #5
#5 & #8\\` ` ` ` < ` )___/\
`` ` ` ` (3--(____)
"...but to forget your duck, of course, means you're really screwed." - Gary Larson
09-20-06, 11:18 PM #6
Oh, fine...I confess to #5.
09-21-06, 03:24 AM #7
At LEAST 12, 14, and 15... # 12 may account for many more which i am not in a position to verify."My motivation is slipping, people bug me, and I'm tired of wasting my time on drivel."
- Rep. Otis Pike (D - NY)
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