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  1. #1
    Resident Smart Ass's Avatar
    Resident Smart Ass is offline I ASK THE QUESTIONS AROUND HERE
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    5 Questions Most Feared By Men

    The 5 Questions Most Feared By Men

    The 5 questions most feared by men are:
    1. What are you thinking about?
    2. Do you love me?
    3. Do I look fat?
    4. Do you think she is prettier than me?
    5. What would you do if I died?

    What makes these questions so difficult is that every one is guaranteed to explode into a major argument if the man answers incorrectly (i.e., tells the truth). Therefore, as a public service, each question is analyzed below, along with possible responses.

    ______________________________ ______________________

    Question # 1: What are you thinking about?

    The proper answer to this, of course, is: "I'm sorry if I've
    been pensive, dear. I was just reflecting on what a warm, wonderful,
    thoughtful, caring, intelligent woman you are, and how lucky I am to
    have met you."

    This response obviously bears no resemblance to
    the true answer, which most likely is one of the
    following:

    a. Baseball.
    b. Football.
    c. How fat you are.
    d. How much prettier she is than you.
    e. How I would spend the insurance money if you died.

    Perhaps the best response to this question
    was offered by Al Bundy, who once told Peg, "If I wanted you
    to know what I was thinking, I would be talking to you!"
    ______________________________ ______________________

    Question # 2: Do you love me?

    The proper response is: "YES!" or, if you feel a
    more detailed answer is in order, "Yes, dear."
    Inappropriate responses include:

    a. Oh Yeah, shit-loads.
    b. Would it make you feel better if I said yes?
    c. That depends on what you mean by love.
    d. Does it matter?
    e. Who, me?
    ______________________________ ______________________

    Question # 3: Do I look fat?
    The correct answer is an emphatic: "Of course not!" Among the incorrect
    answers are:

    a. Compared to what?
    b. I wouldn't call you fat, but you're not exactly thin.
    c. A little extra weight looks good on you.
    d. I've seen fatter.
    e. Could you repeat the question? I was just thinking about how
    I would spend the insurance money if you died.
    ______________________________ ______________________

    Question # 4: Do you think she's prettier than me?

    Once again, the proper response is an emphatic: "Of course not!"
    Incorrect responses include:

    a. Yes, but you have a better personality
    b. Not prettier, but definitely thinner
    c. Not as pretty as you when you were her age
    d. Define pretty
    e. Could you repeat the question? I was just thinking about how I would spend the insurance money if you died.
    ______________________________ ______________________

    Question # 5: What would you do if I died?

    A definite no-win question. (The real answer,
    of course, is "Buy a Corvette and a Boat").

    No matter how you answer this, be prepared for at least an hour of
    follow-up questions, usually along the these lines:

    WOMAN: Would you get married again?
    MAN: Definitely not!
    WOMAN: Why not-don't you like being married?
    MAN: Of course I do.
    WOMAN: Then why wouldn't you remarry?
    MAN: Okay, I'd get married again.
    WOMAN: You would? (with a hurtful look on her face)
    MAN: (makes audible groan )
    WOMAN: Would you sleep with her in our bed?
    MAN: Where else would we sleep?
    WOMAN: Would you put away my pictures, and replace them with
    pictures of her?
    MAN: That would seem like the proper thing to do.
    WOMAN: And would you let her use my golf clubs?
    MAN: She can't use them; she's left-handed.
    WOMAN: - - - silence - - -
    MAN: shit.
    Don't you just hate it when someone's balls are hidden so well, they can't seem to find it themselves ~ RSA

    You can't avoid gossip & rude words from
    people. You can't please everybody. But remember, they wouldn't bother if you meant nothing.


    FOLLOW RSA ON TWITTER (IF YOU'RE GOING TO FOLLOW ME, PLEASE SEND ME A MESSAGE ON HERE WITH YOUR O/R USERNAME AND TWEET USERNAME SO I'LL KNOW WHO I'M ACCEPTING OTHERWISE YOU WILL NOT BE ACCEPTED!)
    https://twitter.com/RESIDENTSMARTAS



    A PINT OF SWEAT SAVES A GALLON OF BLOOD ~ PATTON



  2. #2
    JLK's Avatar
    JLK
    JLK is offline Protecting Those That Can't Protect Themselves
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    very funny


    "A strong man stands up for himself. A stronger man stands up for others."
    Ben

    The old sheriff was attending an awards dinner when a lady commented
    on his wearing his sidearm. "Sheriff, I see you have your pistol. Are you
    expecting trouble?" "No Ma'am. If I were expecting trouble, I would have
    brought my rifle."
    (just stole this one hope you don't mind)


    The trouble with our liberal friends is not that they are ignorant,
    it is just that they know so much that isn't so.
    President Ronald Reagan



  3. #3
    carolina's Avatar
    carolina is offline Master Officer
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    Those are great!!

  4. #4
    jmur5074's Avatar
    jmur5074 is offline Moderator
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    Very funny
    No one has greater love than this, to lay down ones life for ones friends - John 15:13

    "The Wicked Flee When No Man Pursueth: But The Righteous Are Bold As A Lion".

    We lucky few, we band of brothers. For he who today sheds his blood with me shall be my brother.

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~
    The opinions, beliefs, and ideas expressed in this post are mine, and mine alone. They are NOT the opinions, beliefs, ideas, or policies of my Agency, Police Chief, City Council, or any member of my department.

  5. #5
    L.E. Psych's Avatar
    L.E. Psych is offline Officer First Class
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    This was too funny!!!!

  6. #6
    CountyFourteen's Avatar
    CountyFourteen is offline Sergeant
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    need more examples......to help me answer questions from females.........hehehe
    Any Post I make is my opinion only!
    I do not have the authority or the permission to post for my Sheriff's Office.



 

 

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