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Thread: Like A Cat On A Hot Tin Roof...
10-25-06, 06:19 PM #1
Like A Cat On A Hot Tin Roof...
Every year, English teachers from across the country can submit their
collections of actual analogies and metaphors found in high school
essays. These excerpts are published each year to the amusement of
teachers across the country. Here are some winners...
* Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two
sides gently compressed by a Thigh Master.
* His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances
like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free.
* He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience,
like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without
one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country
speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse
without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it.
* She grew on him like she was a colony of E. coli, and he was
room-temperature Canadian beef.
* She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog
makes just before it throws up.
* Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.
* He was as tall as a six-foot, three-inch tree.
* The revelation that his marriage of 30 years had disintegrated
because of his wife's infidelity came as a rude shock, like a surcharge
at a formerly surcharge-free ATM machine.
* The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a
bowling ball wouldn't.
* McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty bag
filled with vegetable soup.
* From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an
eerie, surreal quality, like when you're on vacation in another city and
Jeopardy comes on at 7:00 pm instead of 7:30.
* Her hair glistened in the rain like nose hair after a sneeze.
* The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when
you fry them in hot grease.
* Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced
across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one
having left Cleveland at 6:36p traveling at 55 mph, the other from
Topeka at 4:19p at a speed of 35 mph.
* They lived in a typical suburban neighborhood with picket fences
that resembled Nancy Kerrigan's teeth.
* John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds
who had also never met.
* He fell for her like his heart was a mob informant, and she was
the East River.
* Even in his last years, Granddad had a mind like a steel
trap-only one that had been left out so long, it had rusted shut.
* Shots rang out, as shots are wont to do.
* The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But unlike
Phil, this plan just might work.
* The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not
eating for a while.
* He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck,
either, but a real duck that was actually lame, maybe from stepping on a
land mine or something.
* The ballerina raised gracefully en Pointe and extended one slender
leg behind her, like a dog at a fire hydrant.
* It was an American tradition, like fathers chasing kids around
with power tools.
* He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought he heard
bells, as if she were a garbage truck backing up.Molly Weasley makes Chuck Norris eat his vegetables.
Do not puff, shade, skew, tailor, firm up, stretch, massage,
or otherwise distort statements of fact.FBI Special Agent Coleen Rowley
10-25-06, 06:24 PM #2
that was goodhttp://www.allpoetry.com/Grunts%20Girl
We dallied under
Vine maples and sapling alders
Searched for lady slippers
Found blackberry riots and
An old skid road
Brought ghost ferns and
Hollows filled with
While waves wrapped
Intricate lacings of weeds
'Round mule spinners
His cyanotic eyes
Were hard enough to make
The sun turn tail and
Tender enough to attract me
To his world of illusion
10-25-06, 06:58 PM #3
I especially liked the ones about the solar eclipse and the lame duck.
10-25-06, 07:21 PM #4
Brilliant!Never approach a bull by the front, a horse from behind, or an idiot from any direction.
10-25-06, 11:20 PM #5
Ah, the English language; and those who use it and abuse it ----- like using a toilet bowl brush to clean your teeth.
We are the thin blue line
and all the money in the world.
And no you can't have any.
10-26-06, 11:43 PM #6
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