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  1. #1
    Willowdared's Avatar
    Willowdared is offline Bendy not Breaky
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    Like A Cat On A Hot Tin Roof...


    Every year, English teachers from across the country can submit their
    collections of actual analogies and metaphors found in high school
    essays. These excerpts are published each year to the amusement of
    teachers across the country. Here are some winners...

    * Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two
    sides gently compressed by a Thigh Master.

    * His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances
    like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free.

    * He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience,
    like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without
    one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country
    speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse
    without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it.

    * She grew on him like she was a colony of E. coli, and he was
    room-temperature Canadian beef.

    * She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog
    makes just before it throws up.

    * Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.

    * He was as tall as a six-foot, three-inch tree.

    * The revelation that his marriage of 30 years had disintegrated
    because of his wife's infidelity came as a rude shock, like a surcharge
    at a formerly surcharge-free ATM machine.

    * The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a
    bowling ball wouldn't.

    * McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty bag
    filled with vegetable soup.

    * From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an
    eerie, surreal quality, like when you're on vacation in another city and
    Jeopardy comes on at 7:00 pm instead of 7:30.

    * Her hair glistened in the rain like nose hair after a sneeze.

    * The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when
    you fry them in hot grease.

    * Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced
    across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one
    having left Cleveland at 6:36p traveling at 55 mph, the other from
    Topeka at 4:19p at a speed of 35 mph.

    * They lived in a typical suburban neighborhood with picket fences
    that resembled Nancy Kerrigan's teeth.

    * John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds
    who had also never met.

    * He fell for her like his heart was a mob informant, and she was
    the East River.

    * Even in his last years, Granddad had a mind like a steel
    trap-only one that had been left out so long, it had rusted shut.

    * Shots rang out, as shots are wont to do.

    * The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But unlike
    Phil, this plan just might work.

    * The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not
    eating for a while.

    * He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck,
    either, but a real duck that was actually lame, maybe from stepping on a
    land mine or something.

    * The ballerina raised gracefully en Pointe and extended one slender
    leg behind her, like a dog at a fire hydrant.

    * It was an American tradition, like fathers chasing kids around
    with power tools.

    * He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought he heard
    bells, as if she were a garbage truck backing up.
    Molly Weasley makes Chuck Norris eat his vegetables.

    Do not puff, shade, skew, tailor, firm up, stretch, massage,
    or otherwise distort statements of fact.
    FBI Special Agent Coleen Rowley

  2. #2
    gozling's Avatar
    gozling is offline the gene pool could use a little chlorine
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    that was good

    We dallied under
    Vine maples and sapling alders
    Searched for lady slippers
    But instead
    Found blackberry riots and
    Desiccated branches

    An old skid road
    Brought ghost ferns and
    Hollows filled with
    Skunk cabbage
    While waves wrapped
    Intricate lacings of weeds
    'Round mule spinners

    His cyanotic eyes
    Were hard enough to make
    The sun turn tail and
    Tender enough to attract me
    To his world of illusion

  3. #3
    Buttercup's Avatar
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    I especially liked the ones about the solar eclipse and the lame duck.

  4. #4
    Lo523's Avatar
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    Never approach a bull by the front, a horse from behind, or an idiot from any direction.

  5. #5
    Piggybank Cop's Avatar
    Piggybank Cop is offline Nobody important.
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    Ah, the English language; and those who use it and abuse it ----- like using a toilet bowl brush to clean your teeth.

    We are the thin blue line
    between you
    and all the money in the world.

    And no you can't have any.

  6. #6
    MrDucky's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by 1sgkelly View Post
    Ah, the English language; and those who use it and abuse it ----- like using a toilet bowl brush to clean your teeth.

    OH yes, I could just "eat this up like Crap on toast"



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