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  1. #1
    BigDawg's Avatar
    BigDawg is offline K-9 Officer
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    Headlines from the Year 2029

    Headlines from the year 2029:


    Ozone created by electric cars now killing millions in the seventh largest country in the world, Mexifornia , form erly known as California. White minorities still trying to have English recognized as Mexifornia's third language.


    Spotted Owl plague threatens northwestern United States crops and livestock.


    Baby conceived naturally. Scientists stumped.


    Couple petitions court to reinstate heterosexual marriage.


    Last remaining Fundamentalist Muslim dies in the AmericanTerritory of the Middle East (formerly known as Iraq,Afghanistan, Syria and Lebanon).


    Iran still closed off; physicists estimate it will take at least 10 more years before radioactivity decreases to safe levels.


    France pleads for global help after being taken over by Jamaica.


    Castro finally dies at age 112; Cuban cigars can now be imported legally, but President Chelsea Clinton has banned all smoking.


    George Z. Bush says he will run for President in 2036.


    Postal Service raises price of first class stamp to $17.89 and reduces mail delivery to Wednesdays only.


    85-year $75.8 billion study: Diet and Exercise is the key to weight loss.


    Average weight of Americans drops to 250 lbs.


    (Below is my favorite)
    Japanese scientists have created a camera with such a fast shutter speed, they now can photograph a woman with her mouth shut.


    Massachusetts executes last remaining conservative.


    Supreme Court rules punishment of criminals violates their civil rights.


    Average height of NBA players is now nine feet, seven inches.


    New federal law requires that all nail clippers, screwdrivers, fly swatters and rolled-up newspapers must be registered by January 2036.


    Congress authorizes direct deposit of formerly illegal political contributions to campaign accounts.


    IRS sets lowest tax rate at 75 percent.


    Florida voters still having trouble with voting machines.
    "An Unarmed man can only flee from evil, and evil is not overcome by fleeing from it." Jeff Cooper


    Some people are meant to be the police......Some people are meant to call the police!!!

    "Socialism only works in two places: Heaven where they don't need it and hell where they already have it."
    -Ronald Reagan


    " I believe that forgiving them (Terrorist) is God's function. OUR job is to arrange the meeting."
    General Norman Schwartzkopf

    Not all Muslims are Terrorists, but all Terrorists are Muslim.
    (author unknown)


    The statements posted by BigDawg DO NOT reflect the opinions, views, policies, or procedures of the author's employing agency. These statements are the personal opinions of BigDawg only, thereby releasing my agency of any liability, or involvement in anything posted under the user name of BigDawg. The opinions expressed by BigDawg are protected by the 1st Amendment of the U.S. Constitution. BigDawg’s messages are intended to invoke thought and discussion among the "Officer Resources" forum community and may not necessarily reflect the opinion of the author. BigDawg’s posts and any attachments are intended for an adult audience (18+) and may contain strong language, sexual content, nudity, violence, and may be graphic in nature. Some material may be considered offensive; reader discretion is advised. Please note that many of BigDawg’s posts are intended for entertainment value only. BigDawg’s posts are not intended to be used where prohibited by law. Furthermore, BigDawg's posts, and any attachments, may contain information covered by the Electronic Communications Privacy Act, 18 U.S.C. 2510-2521, and is confidential and proprietary in nature. If you are not the intended recipient, please be advised that you are legally prohibited from retaining, using, copying, distributing, or otherwise disclosing this information in any manner.

  2. #2
    Piggybank Cop's Avatar
    Piggybank Cop is offline Nobody important.
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    Talk on, talk on.



    We are the thin blue line
    between you
    and all the money in the world.

    And no you can't have any.

  3. #3
    10-42Adam's Avatar
    10-42Adam is offline Major
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    Calm Like A Bomb...

    A pessimist sees difficulty in every opportunity. An optimist sees opportunity in every difficulty.
    -Winston Churchill

  4. #4
    KaiGywer's Avatar
    KaiGywer is offline *insert witty remark here*
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    Haha, that's funny right there
    Alpha Phi Sigma Alum - Alpha Delta Chapter
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  5. #5
    hybrid's Avatar
    hybrid is offline Corporal
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    nice dude........how long did it take you to think of these? lol. gotta give you credit on them though. very creative.

  6. #6
    Ducky's Avatar
    Ducky is offline Enforcer General
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    You forgot: With the purchase of Miami, the Disney Company now owns all of Florida.

    State of Disney officially puts Mickey Mouse on ballot

    Mickey Mouse elected Governor of Disney

    Governor M Mouse caught in interspecies sex scandal with Goofy. (Wife Minnie quoted as "I can't believe it, I knew he was silly, but I had no idea he was fucking Goofy!!")
    \\
    ` ` ` ` < ` )___/\
    `` ` ` ` (3--(____)
    "...but to forget your duck, of course, means you're really screwed." - Gary Larson
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MtN1YnoL46Q


  7. #7
    KaiGywer's Avatar
    KaiGywer is offline *insert witty remark here*
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    Hell, if Arnold Schwarzenegger and Jesse Ventura can be governors, why not Mickey Mouse?
    Alpha Phi Sigma Alum - Alpha Delta Chapter
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