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Thread: Headlines from the Year 2029
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10-30-06, 01:40 PM #1
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Headlines from the Year 2029
Headlines from the year 2029:
Ozone created by electric cars now killing millions in the seventh largest country in the world, Mexifornia , form erly known as California. White minorities still trying to have English recognized as Mexifornia's third language.
Spotted Owl plague threatens northwestern United States crops and livestock.
Baby conceived naturally. Scientists stumped.
Couple petitions court to reinstate heterosexual marriage.
Last remaining Fundamentalist Muslim dies in the AmericanTerritory of the Middle East (formerly known as Iraq,Afghanistan, Syria and Lebanon).
Iran still closed off; physicists estimate it will take at least 10 more years before radioactivity decreases to safe levels.
France pleads for global help after being taken over by Jamaica.
Castro finally dies at age 112; Cuban cigars can now be imported legally, but President Chelsea Clinton has banned all smoking.
George Z. Bush says he will run for President in 2036.
Postal Service raises price of first class stamp to $17.89 and reduces mail delivery to Wednesdays only.
85-year $75.8 billion study: Diet and Exercise is the key to weight loss.
Average weight of Americans drops to 250 lbs.
(Below is my favorite)
Japanese scientists have created a camera with such a fast shutter speed, they now can photograph a woman with her mouth shut.
Massachusetts executes last remaining conservative.
Supreme Court rules punishment of criminals violates their civil rights.
Average height of NBA players is now nine feet, seven inches.
New federal law requires that all nail clippers, screwdrivers, fly swatters and rolled-up newspapers must be registered by January 2036.
Congress authorizes direct deposit of formerly illegal political contributions to campaign accounts.
IRS sets lowest tax rate at 75 percent.
Florida voters still having trouble with voting machines.
"An Unarmed man can only flee from evil, and evil is not overcome by fleeing from it." Jeff Cooper
Some people are meant to be the police......Some people are meant to call the police!!!
"Socialism only works in two places: Heaven where they don't need it and hell where they already have it."
-Ronald Reagan
" I believe that forgiving them (Terrorist) is God's function. OUR job is to arrange the meeting."
General Norman Schwartzkopf
Not all Muslims are Terrorists, but all Terrorists are Muslim.
(author unknown)
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10-30-06, 03:53 PM #2
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Talk on, talk on.
We are the thin blue line
between you
and all the money in the world.
And no you can't have any.
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11-03-06, 02:42 PM #3
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Calm Like A Bomb...
“A pessimist sees difficulty in every opportunity. An optimist sees opportunity in every difficulty.”
-Winston Churchill
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11-03-06, 02:51 PM #4
*insert witty remark here*
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Haha, that's funny right there
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11-03-06, 04:20 PM #5
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nice dude........how long did it take you to think of these? lol. gotta give you credit on them though. very creative.
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11-03-06, 06:12 PM #6
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You forgot: With the purchase of Miami, the Disney Company now owns all of Florida.
State of Disney officially puts Mickey Mouse on ballot
Mickey Mouse elected Governor of Disney
Governor M Mouse caught in interspecies sex scandal with Goofy. (Wife Minnie quoted as "I can't believe it, I knew he was silly, but I had no idea he was fucking Goofy!!")\\` ` ` ` < ` )___/\
`` ` ` ` (3--(____)
"...but to forget your duck, of course, means you're really screwed." - Gary Larson
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MtN1YnoL46Q
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11-03-06, 06:13 PM #7
*insert witty remark here*
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Hell, if Arnold Schwarzenegger and Jesse Ventura can be governors, why not Mickey Mouse?
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