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  1. #1
    Iron Man's Avatar
    Iron Man is offline Don't Tase me bro!
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    101 Things Not To Say During Sex

    1. But everybody looks funny naked!

    2. You woke me up for that?

    3. Did I mention the video camera?

    4. Do you smell something burning?

    5. (in a janitor's closet) And they say romance is dead...

    6. Try breathing through your nose

    7. A little rug burn ever hurt anyone!

    8. Is that a Medic-Alert Pendant?

    9. Sweetheart, did you lock the back door?

    10. But whipped cream makes me break out

    11. Person 1: This is your first time... right?
    Person 2: Yeah... today

    12. (in the No Tell Motel) Hurry up! This room rents by the Hour!

    13. Can you please pass me the remote control?

    14. Do you accept Visa?

    15. ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ ZZ

    16. On second thought, let's turn off the lights.

    17. And to think- I was really trying to pick up your friend!

    18. So much for mouth-to-mouth.

    19. (using body paint) Try not to leave any stains, okay?

    20. Hope you're as good looking when I'm sober...

    21. (holding a banana) It's just a little trick I learned at the zoo!

    22. Do you get any premium movie channels?

    23. Try not to smear my make-up, will ya!

    24. (preparing to use peanut butter sexually) But I just steam-cleaned this couch!

    25. Got any penicillin?

    26. But I just brushed my teeth...

    27. Smile, you're on Candid Camera!

    28. I thought you had the keys to the handcuffs!

    29. I want a baby!

    30. So much for the fulfillment of sexual fantasies!

    31. (in a menage a trois) Why am I doing all the work?

    32. Maybe we should call Dr. Ruth...

    33. Did you know the ceiling needs painting?

    34. I think you have it on backwards

    35. When is this supposed to feel good?

    36. Put that blender back in the kitchen where it belongs!

    37. You're good enough to do this for a living!

    38. Is that blood on the headboard?

    39. Did I remember to take my pill?

    40. Are you sure I don't know you from somewhere?

    41. I wish we got the Playboy channel...

    42. That leak better be from the waterbed!

    43. I told you it wouldn't work without batteries!

    44. But my cat always sleeps on that pillow

    45. Did I tell you my Aunt Martha died in this bed?

    46. If you quit smoking you might have more endurance...

    47. No, really... I do this part better myself!

    48. It's nice being in bed with a woman I don't have to inflate!

    49. This would be more fun with a few more people..

    50. You're almost as good as my ex!

    51. Do you know the definition of statutory rape?

    52. Is that you I smell or is it your mattress stuffed with rotten potatoes?

    53. You look younger than you feel

    54. Perhaps you're just out of practice

    55. You sweat more than a galloping stallion!

    56. They're not cracker crumbs, it's just a rash

    57. Now I know why he/she dumped you...

    58. Does your husband own a sawed-off shotgun?

    59. You give me reason to conclude that foreplay is overrated

    60. What tampon?

    61. Have you ever considered liposuction?

    62. And to think, I didn't even have to buy you dinner!

    63. What are you planning to make for breakfast?

    64. I have a confession...

    65. I was so horny tonight I would have taken a duck home!

    66. Are those real or am I just behind the times?

    67. Were you by any chance repressed as a child?

    68. Is that a hanging sculpture?

    69. You'll stil vote for me, won't you?

    70. Did I mention my transsexual operation?

    71. I really hate women who actually think sex means something!

    72. Did you come yet, dear?

    73. I'll tell you who I'm fanatasizing about if you tell me who you're fantasizing about...

    74. A good plastic surgeon can take care of that in no time!

    75. Does this count as a date?

    76. Oprah Winfrey had a show about men like you!

    77. Hic! I need another beer for this please

    78. I think biting is romantic- don't you?

    79. You can cook, too right?

    80. When would you like to meet my parents?

    81. Man: Maybe it would help if I thought about someone I really like...
    Woman: Yourself?

    82. Have you seen "Fatal Attraction"?

    83. Sorry about the name tags, I'm not very good with names

    84. Don't mind me.. I always file my nails in bed

    85. (in a phone booth) Do you mind if I make a few phone calls?

    86. I hope I didn't forget to turn the gas oven off. Do you have a light?

    87. Don't worry, my dog's really friendly for a Doberman.

    88. Sorry but I don't do toes!

    89. You could at least ACT like you're enjoying it!

    90. Petroleum jelly or no petroleum jelly, I said NO!

    91. Keep it down, my mother is a light sleeper...

    92. I'll bet you didn't know I work for "The Enquirer"

    93. So that's why they call you MR. Flash!

    94. My old girlfriend used to do it a LOT longer!

    95. Is this a sin too?

    96. I've slept with more women than Wilt Chamberlain!

    97. Hey, when is it going to be my friend's turn?

    98. Long kisses clog my sinuses...

    99. Please understand that I'm only doing this for a raise...

    100. How long do you plan to be "almost there"?

    101. You mean you're NOT my blind date?

  2. #2
    BigDawg's Avatar
    BigDawg is offline K-9 Officer
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    Damn Ive used some of those........maybe that was the problem.



    Nah couldn't have been.
    "An Unarmed man can only flee from evil, and evil is not overcome by fleeing from it." Jeff Cooper


    Some people are meant to be the police......Some people are meant to call the police!!!

    "Socialism only works in two places: Heaven where they don't need it and hell where they already have it."
    -Ronald Reagan


    " I believe that forgiving them (Terrorist) is God's function. OUR job is to arrange the meeting."
    General Norman Schwartzkopf

    Not all Muslims are Terrorists, but all Terrorists are Muslim.
    (author unknown)


    The statements posted by BigDawg DO NOT reflect the opinions, views, policies, or procedures of the author's employing agency. These statements are the personal opinions of BigDawg only, thereby releasing my agency of any liability, or involvement in anything posted under the user name of BigDawg. The opinions expressed by BigDawg are protected by the 1st Amendment of the U.S. Constitution. BigDawg’s messages are intended to invoke thought and discussion among the "Officer Resources" forum community and may not necessarily reflect the opinion of the author. BigDawg’s posts and any attachments are intended for an adult audience (18+) and may contain strong language, sexual content, nudity, violence, and may be graphic in nature. Some material may be considered offensive; reader discretion is advised. Please note that many of BigDawg’s posts are intended for entertainment value only. BigDawg’s posts are not intended to be used where prohibited by law. Furthermore, BigDawg's posts, and any attachments, may contain information covered by the Electronic Communications Privacy Act, 18 U.S.C. 2510-2521, and is confidential and proprietary in nature. If you are not the intended recipient, please be advised that you are legally prohibited from retaining, using, copying, distributing, or otherwise disclosing this information in any manner.

  3. #3
    Iron Man's Avatar
    Iron Man is offline Don't Tase me bro!
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    Quote Originally Posted by BigDawg3533 View Post
    Damn Ive used some of those........

    Number 70?

  4. #4
    Michelle's Avatar
    Michelle is offline Civilian
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    Guilty of #9.

  5. #5
    Doc_Holliday's Avatar
    Doc_Holliday is offline California Dreaming...
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    sad to say....guilty of 15.....I tried to tell her I was tired...LMAO

  6. #6
    Buttercup's Avatar
    Buttercup is offline Thrives in sunshine
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    I heard #64 once, he'd lied about his age. He was much older than I thought.




  7. #7
    Ducky's Avatar
    Ducky is offline Enforcer General
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    #65. Damnit.
    \\
    ` ` ` ` < ` )___/\
    `` ` ` ` (3--(____)
    "...but to forget your duck, of course, means you're really screwed." - Gary Larson
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MtN1YnoL46Q


  8. #8
    Just KC's Avatar
    Just KC is offline Who?......Me?
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ducky View Post
    #65. Damnit.
    ROFL Ducky!!!
    **********************
    ~Karie

    "I used to care
    but now I take a pill for that"

  9. #9
    Just KC's Avatar
    Just KC is offline Who?......Me?
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    Guilty of #47 lol
    **********************
    ~Karie

    "I used to care
    but now I take a pill for that"

  10. #10
    ghost98 is offline BEEN THERE BUT NOT EVERYWHERE
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    I was asked about #73 and i mentioned #101

  11. #11
    Bosco3379's Avatar
    Bosco3379 is offline I'm the one in the middle
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    Guilty of # 91
    Former member of the LNC

    Will take verbal abuse for spare change

    Some Of My Wicked Awesome Signature Banners

  12. #12
    stumpy's Avatar
    stumpy is offline Officer First Class
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    My wife stated # 29 just the other day

  13. #13
    Ducky's Avatar
    Ducky is offline Enforcer General
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    Quote Originally Posted by stumpy View Post
    My wife stated # 29 just the other day
    Better you than me, dude. Worst I ever do to MrD is tell him I want another kitten, and then it's not typically during sex. Although.. do you think that'll increase my chances of him saying 'yes'?
    \\
    ` ` ` ` < ` )___/\
    `` ` ` ` (3--(____)
    "...but to forget your duck, of course, means you're really screwed." - Gary Larson
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MtN1YnoL46Q


  14. #14
    Iron Man's Avatar
    Iron Man is offline Don't Tase me bro!
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ducky View Post
    Better you than me, dude. Worst I ever do to MrD is tell him I want another kitten, and then it's not typically during sex. Although.. do you think that'll increase my chances of him saying 'yes'?
    Nope. That'd be a good way to lose an erection

  15. #15
    Ducky's Avatar
    Ducky is offline Enforcer General
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    Damn. Ok, alternate plan of attack needed! I get cranky if I have to fly solo.
    \\
    ` ` ` ` < ` )___/\
    `` ` ` ` (3--(____)
    "...but to forget your duck, of course, means you're really screwed." - Gary Larson
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MtN1YnoL46Q


  16. #16
    sgtbambam's Avatar
    sgtbambam is offline Sergeant
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    I'm guilty of #9. Some chick was banging on my door at 3am. Had to get up to let her out!
    -"Courage is being scared to death - but saddling up anyway."

    -“Life is tough, but it's tougher when you're stupid.”

    John Wayne



    R.I.P. Officer Larry Cox

  17. #17
    Lizzy's Avatar
    Lizzy is offline Rookie
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    Pleading the 5th.

  18. #18
    Iron Man's Avatar
    Iron Man is offline Don't Tase me bro!
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    The 5th selection was: (in a janitor's closet) And they say romance is dead...

    WOW

  19. #19
    kay88's Avatar
    kay88 is offline Sergeant
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    I have had #6 (Try breathing through your nose), #7 (A little rug burn ever hurt anyone!), #15 (ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ), #62 (And to think, I didn't even have to buy you dinner!) all said to me at some point in time.

    I am guilty of saying: #23 (Try not to smear my make-up, will ya!)
    #28 (I thought you had the keys to the handcuffs!) #34 (I think you have it on backwards) #35 (When is this supposed to feel good?) #60 (What tampon?) #72 (Did you come yet, dear?) #90 (Petroleum jelly or no petroleum jelly, I said NO!) #100 (How long do you plan to be "almost there"?)

    Life is a succession of lessons which must be lived to be understood.
    ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

  20. #20
    Ducky's Avatar
    Ducky is offline Enforcer General
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    #44. Seriously. She does. We had to get a king sized bed to accomodate the extra crowding.
    \\
    ` ` ` ` < ` )___/\
    `` ` ` ` (3--(____)
    "...but to forget your duck, of course, means you're really screwed." - Gary Larson
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MtN1YnoL46Q


 

 

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