APB Top 10 articles

The Top 10 Signs It’s the Middle Of Summer

The Top 10 Signs It’s the Middle Of Summer

10. You wish global warning was a hoax, but it’s 101 degrees at 4:30 a.m. in Portland, Oregon. 9. You lost it and threatened the weather man from the local news station with “making terroristic threats” after he said, “Sorry, folks, looks like this heat wave is just getting started.” 8. You Googled “How hot does it have

The Top 10 Signs Your Mother-in-law Is In Town

10. You weren’t planning on re-deploying to Afghanistan, but it’s gotta be better than this. 9. Does anyone have any freakin’ Xanax? It’s an emergency! 8. You’ve decided on repeating the phrase, “That’s right, Karen, I’m the a-hole.” 7. Between the wife and the old bag, there’s no longer room for even your toothbrush in the bathroom.

The Top 10 Thoughts Your Dog Has Daily

10. If the damn mailman forgot the treats again, I’m goin’ full Cujo on that bastard. 9. Yes. The answer is yes. I would like to go for a walk. Obviously. Because I’m a dog. 8. This dog food looks nothing like it does in the commercial. 7. Great…Halloween. Time for the morons to dress the dog

Thanksgiving With Trump

Top 10 Signs You’re at a Thanksgiving with Trump Fans and Trump Haters 10. It’s going about as well as Thanksgiving usually goes. 9. It’s entirely unclear if the stain on your “good shirt” is gravy or blood from the fistfights. 8. Aunt May says the next time she hears someone say “you’re fired,” she’s

The Top 10 Signs You’re Probably a Cop

1.  You feel like the entire universe gets together every morning to figure out how to put more wood up your ass. 2.  You don’t drive Cadillacs, use personal vehicles, or vote Democrat. 3.  You own exactly one pair of dark socks to go with one of your two suits. 4.  You want a table

Top 10 Signs You Failed the Sergeant’s Exam

1. ABACADABRA 2. You wear a T-shirt with pride that reads “Reading is for losers!” 3. When a colleague asked if you had “studied,” you had to look up the word’s meaning. 4. Someone’s asking questions about the 20-minute bathroom break that was taken by about two-thirds of the applicants. 5. The sample test you

The Top 10 Signs You Have a Drinking Problem

1. Your regular bartender greets you with a look that’s half elation and half pity. 2. This weekend’s haul from empty Budweiser cans? $230. 3. Your liver wants a divorce. 4. You woke up without pants three counties away holding a Styrofoam trident. 5. The standard five Jager-bombs just isn’t getting the job done. 6.

The Top 10 Signs You’re Being Lied To

1. He or she is a career politician who says “government is the problem.” 2. They use the phrase “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” 3. “You look better than you did 10 years ago,” if said by your loving and faithful spouse. 4. Anything said by a mechanic during inspection season. 5. They

Top 10 Ways to Tell the Suspect’s Guilty

1. He has a really good—and really expensive—lawyer. 2. Claims the blood he was covered in was actually Kool-Aid because he plays the Kool-Aid guy at kids’ birthday parties and only uses the machete to slaughter chickens. 3. Uses the phrase “I don’t know what you’re talking about” at some point during the interview. 4.