The Top 10 Signs It’s the Middle Of Summer

10. You wish global warning was a hoax, but it’s 101 degrees at 4:30 a.m. in Portland, Oregon.

9. You lost it and threatened the weather man from the local news station with “making terroristic threats” after he said, “Sorry, folks, looks like this heat wave is just getting started.”

8. You Googled “How hot does it have to be to melt a Taser?”

7. You responded to a call about a disturbance between a lizard and a squirrel fighting over a patch of shade near a puddle.

6. Rookies are wondering why it’s so busy and old-timers explain summer’s our “crazy time of the year.”

5. It’s really not all that hot, but between the vest and the dark blue shirt, your chest is 154 degrees Fahrenheit.

4. Dibs on the cruiser with the “good A.C.” is being determined by a shift-wide “rock, paper, scissors” contest before roll call.

3. You got home and asked Sasquatch (your bulldog), “Hey, bud, you wanna go for a walk?” And he gave you the “Wadda you freaking nuts?” look.

2. You responded to a call of a middle-aged woman wearing a tube top and an adult diaper who refused to stop sitting on the ice chest at a 7/11.

1. Someone spilled the beans about your father-in-law’s in-ground pool, and now everyone’s your best friend.

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