1. Your regular bartender greets you with a look that’s half elation and half pity.
2. This weekend’s haul from empty Budweiser cans? $230.
3. Your liver wants a divorce.
4. You woke up without pants three counties away holding a Styrofoam trident.
5. The standard five Jager-bombs just isn’t getting the job done.
6. You’ve decided to leave Massachusetts for a lower-paying job in a state that sells booze prior to 8:00 AM on weekdays and noon on Sunday.
7. Everyone says they hate your cologne, which is just the Jameson coming through your pores.
8. Your bar tab is the equivalent of one year’s annual wages.
9. You beat up a deer in a parking lot because you thought you heard it talking smack.
10. Four words: Jose Cuervo bed sheets.