10. You weren’t planning on re-deploying to Afghanistan, but it’s gotta be better than this.
9. Does anyone have any freakin’ Xanax? It’s an emergency!
8. You’ve decided on repeating the phrase, “That’s right, Karen, I’m the a-hole.”
7. Between the wife and the old bag, there’s no longer room for even your toothbrush in the bathroom.
6. One word: headphones
5. You’re actually pleased as punch because your husband’s mother is cool, handles all the cooking, and is great with the kids.
4. You threatened co-workers with posting their sext messages if they didn’t give you their OT details that would keep you from going home for the duration of her visit.
3. All firearms have been securely stored in an understanding neighbor’s gun safe.
2. She keeps asking you when you’re going to give up “that dumb job and cook my son a decent meal?” You’re the deputy chief of operations at a major city agency and your hubby’s “in between jobs.”
1. The desk guy at the local Motel 6 wants to know if you want the room for another week.