10. You’re a tax-paying American citizen.
9. The guy at the auto dealership is charging you a finder’s fee for a car that’s on the lot. (Love that Seinfeld episode!)
8. No one seems all that impressed with your degree from Trump University.
7. A “mixologist” (as opposed to a bartender) spent 12 minutes making a drink that contains elderberry pollen, muddled bumble bee dander, pomegranate nectar, and a tiny bit of vodka—and it cost $18.
6. Your kids’ cell phone bill.
5. Your wife bought two sets of Gwyneth Paltrow’s wellness stickers that restore “balance” and “hydrate the soul.”
4. You spend about $250 a month for premium cable and have more than 700 channels, but you’re reading a book because “there’s never anything good on.”
3. A kid on the crew you hired to paint the house is trying to figure out why the roller doesn’t fit in the paint bucket.
2. You actually paid money for a movie on DVD starring a 400-lb. Steven Seagal, Rob Schneider, and 50 Cent.
1. You bought wine on Amazon. (Yeah, that’s right, Amazon is making its own wine now.)