1. You feel like the entire universe gets together every morning to figure out how to put more wood up your ass.
2. You don’t drive Cadillacs, use personal vehicles, or vote Democrat.
3. You own exactly one pair of dark socks to go with one of your two suits.
4. You want a table facing the entrance to the establishment.
5. You’re on wife number three. You’re 47, and she’s 22.
6. You only feel comfortable socially with other law enforcement types.
7. You ripped out all the pages from the Homeland Security handout binders and resold them on eBay as “Tactical Back to School Solutions.”
8. You’re not a kale salad with quinoa type of guy.
9. Dad was a cop and junior’s thinking about signing up.
10. You have a crappy and thankless job that can get you buried but wake up day after day and try and do the damn thing regardless.