The Top 10 Signs You Hired the Wrong Lawyer

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1. You met him just as he lost a heated argument with a UPS guy dropping off a package.

2. You ask about a payment plan, and he asks you if you have keys to the evidence room.

3. Judges refer to her as Queen of the Snakes.

4. Starts his closing argument with “Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, you’re clearly morons. But I can’t stress how important it is that my guy walks.”

5. His office is in the back of an Armenian deli, near the dry goods.

6. At some point, he or she says, “Just tell the truth.”

7. Says there shouldn’t be a problem with the fact that he hasn’t “officially” passed the bar exam, but the degree is in the mail, so don’t worry about it.

8. Former clients include Bernard Kerik and Martha Stewart.

9. Met for a pre-trial meeting at Denny’s and she stole the $2 tip you left the waitress.

10. His firm is called “Sovereign Associates” and the strategy is to file liens against the judge’s house.

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