26 AMERICAN POLICE BEAT: SEPTEMBER 2017 Airport police out in Chicago Air travel is big business and big business doesn’t screw around I f you want to under- stand just how pow- erful one viral video on social media can be, check out what’s going on with Chicago’s now- defunct Aviation Police force. First they were just go- ing to change the name of the agency so that it was designated “security” as opposed to “police.” But now they’re “deacti- vating” the nearly 300-of- ficer department that used to partially police O’Hare and Midway airports. Airport officers, who are separate from Chicago police assigned to O’Hare and Midway, have never been able to carry guns. Now they won’t even be able to call themselves police officers. Last April the Avia- tion Dept. police were lambasted for an incident where three officers were seen on video dragging a United Airlines passenger off a flight after contention about giving up a seat for an airline employee. The Chicago Depart- ment of Aviation (CDA) issued a 12-page review of the role of airport security and decided it was time to make major changes. “We are confident that these actions are necessary to guide our department forward, while improving clarity for the aviation se- curity officers who play an integral role in maintaining safe and secure conditions for the traveling public at both of Chicago’s airports,” wrote CDA Commissioner The scientific theory I like best is that the rings of Saturn are composed entirely of lost airline luggage. – Mark Russell Ginger S. Evans. Evans says the CDA will introduce a new directive designating Chicago Police officers as the lead on all disturbance calls at the air- ports, in addition to those on aircrafts. This directive rescinds the current directive guid- ing incident dispatch, and defines how coordination will work with members of the Chicago Police Depart- ment. “Have you seen Sammy or Frank?” “Which one’s which again?” “It’s the same goat – he’s just got two names.” In goatscaping news, a disgruntled landscaping employee named Sammy or Frank has apparently decided that the working conditions are unaccept- able and recently walked off the job, Now police in Rhode Island are asking people to be on the lookout for the goat. Warwick police say the goat, which goes by the names Sammy and Frank, went AWOL dur- ing a post shift headcount of goats being used to eat grass and weeds. Sammy/Frank is owned by The Goatscaping Com- pany, based in Plympton, Mas- sachusetts. Goatscaping is rapidly becoming a big business because goats are cool, make less noise than lawnmowers and leaf blow- ers and eliminate the need for toxic herbicides and pesticides. Police say Sammy/Frank has just one curly horn and is small, brown and described the animal as “generally funny look- ing.” Anyone who spots a goat roaming in the Warwick Neck area, or anywhere else in Warwick, is asked to call the police. This job blows, I’m gone