Over decades at the executive level and through scores of discussions, I have stumbled across a strategy that I have found to be especially helpful in addressing contentious issues, sometimes resolving them but always reducing acrimonious attitudes, narrowing the issues and facilitating an environment for continued positive discussions. Using the term “an” as opposed to “the” in the title of my article was not accidental, as I am not aware of any mortal who has discovered the magic formula for always prevailing in all discussions, and I am certainly no exception. This article discusses a strategy that has evolved from my numerous and varied experiences over the years and that I have found useful in my inventory of skills.

I am keenly aware of the reality that some issues cannot realistically be resolved because of the nature of the topics, hidden agendas or the intractable positions of those involved. Issues for which resolution is unlikely include deep ideological agendas driven by strong beliefs despite practical realities. Major examples include the political clashes in some of our cities, where avowed socialists are attempting to develop political clout. In those situations, efforts to agree to disagree amicably are worthwhile, as are efforts to develop and maintain cordial communications, but substantial movement from respective positions is not likely. Another example, for which I have scar tissue, is trying to agree and gain compliance on crowd tactics and behaviors in deeply divided issues such as abortion, where maximum community disruption is a major goal of the demonstrators. Appropriate dialogue should always be attempted, but with realistic expectations.

Two personal examples of situations in which the strategy that is the subject of this article are provided for background context. The first involved my position as an LAPD commander who had been elected by other agencies in Southern California to coordinate the allocation of the then-new radio spectrum to the public safety community. This allocation of radio frequencies was set against a backdrop of desperate need among many agencies. Agencies were required to upgrade existing equipment to allow for more overall radio channels, but there were strong efforts by some agencies to retain existing channels. This led to the mistaken perception that the “big dogs” (LAPD and Los Angeles County Sheriff’s Department) were hoarding most of the new spectrum and leaving only the “crumbs” for the smaller agencies. The second example occurred while I was serving as a deputy chief with the San Bernardino County Sheriff’s Department. I served as chairperson of the Mountain Task Force, which coordinated the evacuation plan for the entire San Bernardino National Forest in preparation for anticipated massive wildfires. This effort necessitated the involvement of numerous public safety, municipal and private entities.

Somebody needs to be in charge

Nothing will get done, and chaos will result, in the absence of a person with credibility and decent conference leadership skills. The worst of all options, when strong technical skills are a major factor, is to select a highly technical person who is weak in interpersonal relations. The best option is the selection of a proven leader with strong interpersonal skills who has a working knowledge and some level of understanding of the issues being addressed. The most appropriate person may well emerge early in the process and should ideally be selected in some type of voting or nomination process.

Create a cordial and sincere partnership

For any possibility of success, the activity cannot be a “one and done” effort in which the participants, especially the person allegedly in charge, have only an occasional presence and are often the last to arrive and the first to depart meetings. While others may disagree, the likely variety of participants from various disciplines requires a genuine appreciation for different types of people and perspectives, as well as the development of mutual fondness and respect for the positions of others. Mutual credibility, sincere goodwill and respect are essential to the process that is the subject of this article.

Realistically, essential factors for this strategy to be effective are the personal behaviors and demeanor of the person in charge. A genuine appreciation and respect toward those in other disciplines and with other points of view are essential, as are strong conference leadership skills.

Dedicated meetings in an appropriate setting (bring food!)

There is no such thing as a date and time that will work for everyone. That said, pick a date and time that works for most folks, certainly for the key participants, and announce it well in advance. Select a facility where all participants are equally situated, such as a round table or room configuration in which no one is at a positional disadvantage. Again, recognizing that others may well disagree, I have found that incorporating a meal into the process, where people can mix and mingle, is a very wise measure for creating mutual goodwill and credibility. The wise leader will orchestrate maximum interaction among people from different disciplines.

Protocol for difficult discussions

I will now describe  the protocol that has worked well for me. I suggest and invite the other person or persons in the discussion to begin with a detailed and comprehensive presentation, which includes not only the stated goals but also the background and rationale for what is being sought. I commit to being an active listener and to working very hard to develop an understanding and appreciation for the position being presented, and to interrupt only to ask for clarification where additional information may be helpful to my understanding. Following the other person(s) presentation, I ask for the same courtesy in presenting my position(s) and rationale and invite brief interruptions for clarification. I have always used the expression that we need to work hard to “walk a mile in each other’s shoes” to develop a full understanding of all the issues involved.

Resolutions and narrowing of differences

I wish that I could say that this process has always resulted in an immediate agreement and resolution of the issues involved, but such is seldom the case when major or contentious issues are involved. However, I can proudly state that in every instance where this protocol has been employed, all involved have left with a better understanding, issues have often narrowed and participants generally have departed with mutual credibility and goodwill.

Maintain communications and friendships

Again, the term “one and done” comes to mind; do not permit such to be the case. Things, people and circumstances often change, and other issues may well arise involving the same organizations and individuals. Use all experiences, regardless of the outcome, as something that may be helpful in future situations. While reflecting my personal view, I generally like and respect other people and am very pleased that these types of situations have provided me with the opportunity to develop some lasting friendships with contractors, technicians, vendors and others. Through these professional interactions, I came to know and develop friendships with many fine people I most likely would not have known otherwise.

As I stated at the beginning of the article, this is not “the” approach, but rather “an” approach. It has been a valuable tool for me, and I recommend it as a useful tool for other leaders as well.