• Skip to primary navigation
  • Skip to main content
  • Skip to primary sidebar
  • Skip to footer
  • Home
  • About
  • The Magazine
  • Events
  • Partners
  • Products
  • Advertise
  • Contact
  • Jobs and Careers
  • Facebook
  • Twitter
  • Instagram
  • Subscribe to the Magazine
American Police Beat

American Police Beat Magazine

Law Enforcement Publication

  • Home
  • Editor’s Picks
    • The power of teamwork
      Stay awake and alert on the job
      The worst rank in law enforcement
      Firearms maintenance
      Why fries need salt
  • Topics
    • On the Job
      • “Take care of your veterans”: Massachusetts police save suicidal...
        The problems with loyalty
        My experience being a Black woman in policing
        Tucson tries new tact to fight crime
        2022 Top Cops
    • Labor
      • Nearly 800 law enforcement jobs in Connecticut are up for grabs
        Philadelphia may rehire officers and civilian employees to fill...
        Chicago police recruit Marines to help address officer shortage
        Illinois State Police announce lateral training program with added...
        The “great resignation” brings staffing troubles to Missouri law...
    • Tech
      • NYPD deploys K-9s with innovative electronic harness to prevent...
        Understanding end-to-end encryption apps
        Local law enforcement agencies learn to recover stolen cryptocurrency
        New York mayor proposes gun detection scanners after rise in subway...
        Hacker group steals data from multiple law enforcement data systems...
    • Training
      • An equation for performing lawful Terry stops
        A Connecticut police chief says his department needs more drug...
        “The hidden danger is the water”
        Weapon retention
        Developing trauma-informed training and drills for K–12 schools
    • Policy
      • Philadelphia spends almost a billion dollars on policing in new...
        Supreme Court decision protects police officers against civil...
        Chicago police limit foot pursuits under new policy intended to...
        Putting the brakes on wandering cops
        Detroit police team up with federal law enforcement agencies to fight...
    • Health/Wellness
      • True detectives: Psychological realities of investigative work
        Effective use of chaplain services
        Things I learned as a retiree
        Normalization of deviance
        The nobility of policing
    • Community
      • Miami Heat and nonprofit build bridges between law enforcement and...
        Right place, right time: Off-duty Florida police officer braves house...
        Community steps up to support Rhode Island police officer brothers...
        Safety exchange zones
        Crime problems are community problems
    • Offbeat
      • Iowa police and fire agencies, community team up to rescue bulldog...
        Buzz fuzz: NYPD “bee unit” officers remove swarms from various...
        Only in Florida: Police snipers provide backup during...
        Longtime Maryland con man arrested for impersonating U.S. marshal
        Seattle cancels and refunds seven months of parking tickets due to...
    • We Remember
      • Memorializing our fallen sisters
        Paying Tribute to Fallen Heroes
        National Law Enforcement Memorial expands to accommodate more names
        National Police Week
        “It’s not enough to never forget anymore”
  • On the Job
    • “Take care of your veterans”: Massachusetts police save suicidal...
      The problems with loyalty
      My experience being a Black woman in policing
      Tucson tries new tact to fight crime
      2022 Top Cops
  • Labor
    • Nearly 800 law enforcement jobs in Connecticut are up for grabs
      Philadelphia may rehire officers and civilian employees to fill...
      Chicago police recruit Marines to help address officer shortage
      Illinois State Police announce lateral training program with added...
      The “great resignation” brings staffing troubles to Missouri law...
  • Tech
    • NYPD deploys K-9s with innovative electronic harness to prevent...
      Understanding end-to-end encryption apps
      Local law enforcement agencies learn to recover stolen cryptocurrency
      New York mayor proposes gun detection scanners after rise in subway...
      Hacker group steals data from multiple law enforcement data systems...
  • Training
    • An equation for performing lawful Terry stops
      A Connecticut police chief says his department needs more drug...
      “The hidden danger is the water”
      Weapon retention
      Developing trauma-informed training and drills for K–12 schools
  • Policy
    • Philadelphia spends almost a billion dollars on policing in new...
      Supreme Court decision protects police officers against civil...
      Chicago police limit foot pursuits under new policy intended to...
      Putting the brakes on wandering cops
      Detroit police team up with federal law enforcement agencies to fight...
  • Health/Wellness
    • True detectives: Psychological realities of investigative work
      Effective use of chaplain services
      Things I learned as a retiree
      Normalization of deviance
      The nobility of policing
  • Community
    • Miami Heat and nonprofit build bridges between law enforcement and...
      Right place, right time: Off-duty Florida police officer braves house...
      Community steps up to support Rhode Island police officer brothers...
      Safety exchange zones
      Crime problems are community problems
  • Offbeat
    • Iowa police and fire agencies, community team up to rescue bulldog...
      Buzz fuzz: NYPD “bee unit” officers remove swarms from various...
      Only in Florida: Police snipers provide backup during...
      Longtime Maryland con man arrested for impersonating U.S. marshal
      Seattle cancels and refunds seven months of parking tickets due to...
  • We Remember
    • Memorializing our fallen sisters
      Paying Tribute to Fallen Heroes
      National Law Enforcement Memorial expands to accommodate more names
      National Police Week
      “It’s not enough to never forget anymore”
  • Between the Lines
    • Persecution of the LEO is Classic Schadenfreude
      The Rule of Law is Worthless Without Order
      School policing: a paradox of the defund movement
      Defending the honor of the LE profession – finally!
      The dichotomy of the defund movement: reality setting in
  • About
  • The Magazine
  • Events
  • Partners
  • Products
  • Advertise
  • Contact
Search

Health/Wellness

Busted: Five myths about marital counseling

Mariya Dvoskina Published March 21, 2021 @ 9:00 am PDT

iStock.com/hanabeni

As someone who sees many first responder couples in therapy, I will tell you firsthand that these are very brave souls. In addition to the stigma surrounding counseling in general, marital (aka couples) counseling carries its own set of myths that often keep couples from coming in until they are in crisis mode, or prevent them from seeking help altogether. Below, I will discuss and bust the five myths that I most commonly hear surrounding marital counseling.

“If I have to work on the relationship, I am with the wrong person.” 

Couples often think back on the “honeymoon phase” of their relationship, when things felt easy and smooth. However, as issues begin to crop up, they often start to wonder if they are truly compatible. What I tell the couples who struggle with this dilemma is that relationships take work. Relationships require a daily commitment to your partner. In fact, the couples who report the most relational satisfaction are also those who work the hardest. Just think back to that initial honeymoon period and how much you both did in order to “woo” the other. While it is certainly unlikely that you will keep all of the elements of mystery in a long-term committed relationship, it is important to focus on some of those elements of courtship throughout the relationship.

“Happy couples shouldn’t go to counseling.”

This myth is akin to avoiding preventative medical care because you feel fine. Sadly, it leads many couples to wait until they are in crisis mode, rather than taking preemptive steps. Now, much more work will need to be done to deal with longstanding issues that likely could have been avoided if addressed early on. (This is also the rationale behind premarital counseling.) I believe (and yes, I am biased!) that every couple could benefit from couples therapy, and I love seeing couples who take the preventative approach.

“More talking won’t fix anything.”

These words are more likely to come out of the mouth of the first responder than their spouse. Many couples feel like they have tried talking out their issues over and over again, and yet nothing seems to change. They may wonder how talking about these same things in couples therapy is going to be different. The metaphor I like to use here is one of baking a cake. You may have all of the ingredients and all of the baking tools you need, but no matter how you put the ingredients together and no matter how many times you try, you will likely be unable to bake the cake you want without the right recipe. The couples therapist’s job is to help you identify the recipe you need to make it work. And the good news is, after enough practice you won’t need the help of the therapist at all!

“The therapist is going to take sides.”

The caveat here is that, unfortunately, some therapists do this out of inexperience, and some are actually trained to do so! On the other hand, therapists who, like me, are trained in Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT), an evidence-based gold standard of couples therapy, believe that the focus is the relationship. EFT therapists do not take sides, and they view the relationship as a dance that requires both people to do the work. Therefore, the goal is never to blame one spouse or the other, but rather to see how both people in the relationship have assumed responsibility in learning new “dance steps.” Remember, you are the consumer! Many people don’t know that you can question your therapist as much as you’d like about their approach. If it does not feel like a good fit for you, you can always find another provider. Not all therapists are created equal, and it’s OK to be choosy!

“It is impossible to repair trust after an affair.”

Unfortunately, popular culture has promoted this myth with adages such as “Once a cheater, always a cheater.” In addition, the pain brought by this relational injury leaves couples in such despair that they often believe there are no other options. Years of research in this area, as well as my personal experience of working with couples after an affair, say otherwise. It is indeed possible to repair, rebuild and, in fact, come out with a stronger relationship, if both people are committed to doing the work.

Mariya Dvoskina

Mariya Dvoskina

Dr. Mariya Dvoskina is a psychologist in Colorado with Nicoletti-Flater Associates, where the specialization is in the fields of police and public safety psychology, crisis intervention, trauma recovery and violence prevention. 

View articles by Mariya Dvoskina

As seen in the March 2021 issue of American Police Beat magazine.
Don’t miss out on another issue today! Click below:

SUBSCRIBE TODAY!

Categories: Health/Wellness

Primary Sidebar

Recent Articles

  • Nearly 800 law enforcement jobs in Connecticut are up for grabs
  • Philadelphia spends almost a billion dollars on policing in new budget aimed at addressing gun violence
  • Miami Heat and nonprofit build bridges between law enforcement and community
  • Right place, right time: Off-duty Florida police officer braves house fire to rescue trapped children
  • “Take care of your veterans”: Massachusetts police save suicidal veteran
  • Iowa police and fire agencies, community team up to rescue bulldog stuck in sinkhole
  • Community steps up to support Rhode Island police officer brothers who lost everything in a house fire
  • Supreme Court decision protects police officers against civil lawsuits over Miranda rights violations
  • NYPD deploys K-9s with innovative electronic harness to prevent terrorist attacks
  • The problems with loyalty

Footer

Our Mission
To serve as a trusted voice of the nation’s law enforcement community, providing informative, entertaining and inspiring content on interesting and engaging topics affecting peace officers today.

Contact us: info@apbweb.com

  • Facebook
  • Twitter
  • Instagram

Categories

  • Editor’s Picks
  • On the Job
  • Labor
  • Tech
  • Training
  • Policy
  • Health/Wellness
  • Community
  • Offbeat
  • We Remember
  • Jobs and Careers
  • Events

Editor’s Picks

The power of teamwork

The power of teamwork

July 23, 2021

Stay awake and alert on the job

Stay awake and alert on the job

July 20, 2021

The worst rank in law enforcement

The worst rank in law enforcement

July 19, 2021

Firearms maintenance

Firearms maintenance

July 04, 2021

Privacy Policy | Copyright © 2022 APB Media, LLC | Website design, development and maintenance by 911MEDIA

Open

Subscribe

Close
Receive the latest news and updates from American Police Beat directly to your inbox!
  • This field is for validation purposes and should be left unchanged.