• Skip to primary navigation
  • Skip to main content
  • Skip to primary sidebar
  • Skip to footer
  • Home
  • About
  • The Magazine
  • Events
  • Partners
  • Products
  • Advertise
  • Contact
  • Jobs and Careers
  • Facebook
  • Twitter
  • Instagram
  • Subscribe to the Magazine
American Police Beat

American Police Beat Magazine

Law Enforcement Publication

  • Home
  • Editor’s Picks
    • The power of teamwork
      Stay awake and alert on the job
      The worst rank in law enforcement
      Firearms maintenance
      Why fries need salt
  • Topics
    • On the Job
      • Boone County Sheriff’s Office solves cold case from nearly 50 years...
        Time to address the status of women in policing today
        Police K-9 comforts Michigan State University students returning to...
        Volkswagen acknowledges policy breach after failing to provide...
        Michigan lieutenant completes DoorDash delivery for pregnant driver...
    • Labor
      • LAPD union proposes police stop responding to non-emergency calls
        Florida’s recruitment program lures Chicago police officers to the...
        Staffing shortages plague Cleveland police as record number leave the...
        New Orleans interim police chief aims to hire civilians in time for...
        “Anyone can get this job”: Memphis police lowered hiring...
    • Tech
      • One of country’s oldest cold cases solved with DNA from untested...
        Crypto crime investigations
        Austin Police Department launches non-emergency artificial...
        iPhone crash detection feature helps deputies rescue driver from canal
        Nebraska State Patrol uses drone technology to improve traffic flow...
    • Training
      • Working effectively in low light
        Realism and stress inoculation in training
        Avoiding conflict and escalation
        U.S. trails in police training
        Denver police recruit has leg amputated after training drill
    • Policy
      • Oregon law enforcement and retailers seek to combat organized...
        Utah bill aims to regulate how law enforcement uses genetic genealogy...
        Opposing POVs on permit-less carry
        Ohio bill would lower minimum age to become a police officer to 18 to...
        Utah bill would allow people with “invisible conditions” to alert...
    • Health/Wellness
      • Expanding your identity
        Nonprofit offers telehealth therapy to upstate New York first...
        A California police department’s new wellness unit aims to improve...
        Massachusetts police department prioritizes officers’ mental health...
        My poor coping strategies
    • Community
      • Colorado Springs police kick off annual soccer ball giveaway to bond...
        “These are beautiful animals”: Community members gift horses to...
        Central Texas nonprofit to open law enforcement museum in honor of...
        “It was an honor to serve with her”: Kansas first responders...
        Chicago police cook with children to build community relationships
    • Offbeat
      • Cincinnati police work with animal rescuers to capture exotic cat...
        Not UFOs: Police departments across the country receive 9-1-1 calls...
        Texas deputy detains runaway tortoise after “slowest foot...
        Suspect hiding in bathtub in Florida calls 9-1-1 to send deputies to...
        Person in ‘Scream’ costume frightens California community,...
    • We Remember
      • Boone County holds fifth annual Jacob Pickett Remembrance Day to...
        Farewell to a “living legend”: Oldest law enforcement officer in...
        “Officer Becerra will never be forgotten”: Colorado police...
        “I had a calling”: Colorado cadet inspired by fallen hero Eric...
        Chicago police remember fallen and injured officers this holiday...
  • On the Job
    • Boone County Sheriff’s Office solves cold case from nearly 50 years...
      Time to address the status of women in policing today
      Police K-9 comforts Michigan State University students returning to...
      Volkswagen acknowledges policy breach after failing to provide...
      Michigan lieutenant completes DoorDash delivery for pregnant driver...
  • Labor
    • LAPD union proposes police stop responding to non-emergency calls
      Florida’s recruitment program lures Chicago police officers to the...
      Staffing shortages plague Cleveland police as record number leave the...
      New Orleans interim police chief aims to hire civilians in time for...
      “Anyone can get this job”: Memphis police lowered hiring...
  • Tech
    • One of country’s oldest cold cases solved with DNA from untested...
      Crypto crime investigations
      Austin Police Department launches non-emergency artificial...
      iPhone crash detection feature helps deputies rescue driver from canal
      Nebraska State Patrol uses drone technology to improve traffic flow...
  • Training
    • Working effectively in low light
      Realism and stress inoculation in training
      Avoiding conflict and escalation
      U.S. trails in police training
      Denver police recruit has leg amputated after training drill
  • Policy
    • Oregon law enforcement and retailers seek to combat organized...
      Utah bill aims to regulate how law enforcement uses genetic genealogy...
      Opposing POVs on permit-less carry
      Ohio bill would lower minimum age to become a police officer to 18 to...
      Utah bill would allow people with “invisible conditions” to alert...
  • Health/Wellness
    • Expanding your identity
      Nonprofit offers telehealth therapy to upstate New York first...
      A California police department’s new wellness unit aims to improve...
      Massachusetts police department prioritizes officers’ mental health...
      My poor coping strategies
  • Community
    • Colorado Springs police kick off annual soccer ball giveaway to bond...
      “These are beautiful animals”: Community members gift horses to...
      Central Texas nonprofit to open law enforcement museum in honor of...
      “It was an honor to serve with her”: Kansas first responders...
      Chicago police cook with children to build community relationships
  • Offbeat
    • Cincinnati police work with animal rescuers to capture exotic cat...
      Not UFOs: Police departments across the country receive 9-1-1 calls...
      Texas deputy detains runaway tortoise after “slowest foot...
      Suspect hiding in bathtub in Florida calls 9-1-1 to send deputies to...
      Person in ‘Scream’ costume frightens California community,...
  • We Remember
    • Boone County holds fifth annual Jacob Pickett Remembrance Day to...
      Farewell to a “living legend”: Oldest law enforcement officer in...
      “Officer Becerra will never be forgotten”: Colorado police...
      “I had a calling”: Colorado cadet inspired by fallen hero Eric...
      Chicago police remember fallen and injured officers this holiday...
  • Between the Lines
    • The imprisonment of law enforcement technology
      Persecution of the LEO is classic schadenfreude
      The rule of law is worthless without order
      School policing: a paradox of the defund movement
      Defending the honor of the LE profession – finally!
  • About
  • The Magazine
  • Events
  • Partners
  • Products
  • Advertise
  • Contact
Search

Offbeat

On Routine Patrol

Cop war stories from around the nation

APB Team Published May 5, 2021 @ 3:00 pm PDT

iStock.com/sestovic

The double-line drunk

Getting a call of a body lying in the middle of a four-lane street at 2:15 a.m. would make any cop cringe, especially this one. I hate working traffic, collisions and particularly fatalities. I was somewhat relieved to find a guy in a puddle of his own vomit, and sure enough, right in the middle of the double yellow lines. I correctly guessed that he was just drunk and the middle of the street was where he ran out of sobriety. I conducted a sternum rub and an eye flick. Nothing. Nada. This guy was out. 

A few minutes later, the ambulance, fire department and another unit arrived. The other officer was a young guy who I was proudly mentoring. He was sharp, gregarious and one of those guys who could say or do most anything and not catch a complaint from a citizen. People would just laugh even when he was making fun of them. I tended to have the opposite effect. In fact, I could catch beef like a champion calf roper. I once got complained on for a call I wasn’t even on. True story. 

Back to Cooter Brown, the passed-out drunk. Officer Gregarious and I were standing in the middle of the road while the medics were checking him out. Mind you, it was raining. There were several fire guys and two medics between us and Brown loudly talking about his treatment. My loveable protégé leaned over to me and whispered, “That’s one pathetic sack …” You can probably guess the rest. Brown picked that exact moment to regain acute consciousness. He sat straight up, pushing one of the ambo drivers out of the way, looked directly at me and yelled, “You can’t talk about me like that [glancing down at my name tag], Cavin!” Officer Gregarious found that quite amusing; he doubled over and broke out in raucous laughter. I was less amused as I had just promised the night shift sergeant that I would go a whole week without getting into trouble. 

I wasn’t too thrilled with my young friend at that point. I was less thrilled with the ambulance dude who let Brown use his cellphone to call the station and make the complaint on the way to the hospital. When the sergeant called my number via radio, I had to laugh a little at my luck. Officer Gregarious keyed up with a conspicuous chuckle that the sergeant was actually looking for him and he would be right in to see him. He would soon be standing in the supervisor’s office getting chewed out, his face reddened and tears streaming down … laughing uncontrollably. I always envied him. He never let the job control his happiness. Looking back, he was probably the one doing it right. 

— A police department in Oklahoma

Felony stupid

As if working undercover wasn’t exciting enough, for some reason we U/C narcs sometimes liked to play a kind of Russian roulette with crooks. We’d actually give subtle clues that we were cops. 

I came back from a California Narcotic Officers’ Association (CNOA) conference with a great-looking ball cap that had the organization’s initials big and bold out front. I was working this street dealer who claimed Hells Angels ties, and I was trying to find his source. He was a big talker and tried to come off as a one-man cartel. Other narcs ribbed me for putting up with him, but any time I even had the hope of taking down the H.A., I was all in. So I told the guys that on my next buy with him, I’d wear my CNOA baseball cap. If he made me, we’d bust him, but if not, I’d keep working him just in case there was an H.A. connection. 

On my next buy with him I wore the cap. Mr. Cartel Guy could not have cared less. I even kept tugging it down several times, eventually so much that I looked goofy and could barely see him. But still, nothing. I bought meth from this guy three more times with that same ball cap on, and he never clued in. I couldn’t make the H.A. connection, so we finally busted him for multiple counts of sales — and multiple counts of felony stupid.

— Dave Albritton
Santa Rosa (California) P.D., ret. 

As seen in the April 2021 issue of American Police Beat magazine.
Don’t miss out on another issue today! Click below:

SUBSCRIBE TODAY!

Categories: Offbeat

Primary Sidebar

Recent Articles

  • Working effectively in low light
  • Colorado Springs police kick off annual soccer ball giveaway to bond with kids
  • Cincinnati police work with animal rescuers to capture exotic cat stuck in tree with cocaine found in its system
  • Realism and stress inoculation in training
  • Boone County Sheriff’s Office solves cold case from nearly 50 years ago using genealogy research
  • Oregon law enforcement and retailers seek to combat organized shoplifting with legislation and anti-theft operations
  • Expanding your identity
  • “These are beautiful animals”: Community members gift horses to Dallas police in memory of loved ones
  • One of country’s oldest cold cases solved with DNA from untested sexual assault kit
  • Avoiding conflict and escalation

Footer

Our Mission
To serve as a trusted voice of the nation’s law enforcement community, providing informative, entertaining and inspiring content on interesting and engaging topics affecting peace officers today.

Contact us: info@apbweb.com | (800) 234-0056.

  • Facebook
  • Twitter
  • Instagram

Categories

  • Editor’s Picks
  • On the Job
  • Labor
  • Tech
  • Training
  • Policy
  • Health/Wellness
  • Community
  • Offbeat
  • We Remember
  • Jobs and Careers
  • Events

Editor’s Picks

The power of teamwork

The power of teamwork

July 23, 2021

Stay awake and alert on the job

Stay awake and alert on the job

July 20, 2021

The worst rank in law enforcement

The worst rank in law enforcement

July 19, 2021

Firearms maintenance

Firearms maintenance

July 04, 2021

Privacy Policy | Copyright © 2023 APB Media, LLC | Website design, development and maintenance by 911MEDIA

Open

Subscribe

Close

Receive the latest news and updates from American Police Beat directly to your inbox!

  • This field is for validation purposes and should be left unchanged.