As cops, you are trained to approach people and situations with a general attitude of distrust until proven otherwise. This allows you to maintain the hypervigilance needed to help keep you safe on the job. Now consider the impact of approaching people and situations in this manner repeatedly … countless times … for years. You also experience the added impact of the nationwide increases in violent crime, assaults on officers, relaxed legal consequences for criminal behavior and the anti-police sentiment in some political, media and social media outlets. The cumulative impact of these events can reinforce the notion that people are bad and cannot be trusted. So does that mean you are cynical?

If left unchecked, a cynical attitude can negatively impact your overall well-being and work performance.

I’m not cynical, I’m skeptical

Although both cynics and skeptics can doubt the intentions of people, there are some key differences. A skeptical person is also open-minded and open to evidence to the contrary. A cynical person will almost always choose to doubt, disbelieve or discredit someone or something even when there is no logical reason to do so.

We aren’t born cynical. So how does someone become a cynical person? Below are some key factors that influence how cynicism develops. Think about how your own experiences, both on the job and in your personal life, might impact whether you adopt a cynical attitude and to what extent.

• Worldviews and predictions about life. These come from situations and events that we see in person, on social media, news stories, etc.
• Personal defense mechanism. This is when a person prevents themselves from being open to love, friendships, etc., because they cannot trust someone for fear of being hurt.
• Adverse or traumatic life event(s). These experiences can cause a person to “close up” emotionally and relationally to protect oneself.
• Poor stress management or burnout. This can impact how well our rational brain is working and whether our emotional brain hijacks how we respond.

If left unchecked, a cynical attitude can negatively impact your overall well-being and work performance, and destroy both personal and work relationships. The following are some tips to help you manage your own cynicism and improve your interactions with someone who is cynical.

Tips to manage your own cynicism

• Recognize the issue. The first step is to recognize it is there. You can do this via your own observations (including difficulties maintaining healthy relationships) and feedback from others.
• Make a choice to manage your cynicism. In order to effectively manage cynicism, you must make the choice to do something about it. It is helpful to start by thinking of how cynicism is impacting your relationships and quality of life — when is it functional and when is it problematic? Next, seek to understand any personal factors that might be maintaining your cynicism. Consider additional resources that might help you gain a better understanding, such as literature, peer support, a chaplain, a therapist or a trusted friend or family member.
• Recognize each cynical thought. Be a curious observer and just notice the thought as it happens. Pay attention and take care to not feed into the negative emotion associated with that thought. Relaxation breathing and grounding techniques can be helpful to manage the intensity of any emotional discomfort you experience and prevent emotional brain hijacking.
• Use logic to debate cynicism. Many destructive emotions and behaviors are due to illogical or distorted thoughts. Challenge your thinking or call upon a trusted peer or other supportive resource to listen and help you challenge and reframe these thought errors. Think of it as being a thought detective. What evidence do you have for and against your cynical thoughts?
• Look at others for inspiration to be positive. Think about someone who tends to think more positively than you (e.g., a friend, family member, co-worker, fictional character) and try to deconstruct their positivity. In other words, take a situation that you respond to with a cynical attitude and imagine how this person would respond — how would their thoughts, mood and behavior differ from yours? 

If left unchecked, a cynical attitude can negatively impact your overall well-being and work performance.

A cynical person often uses negative thoughts and feelings to mask their sense of loss or disappointment.

• Take a compassionate or curious stance. If you feel yourself becoming irritated, frustrated or annoyed, use your observation and listening skills to read between the lines. A cynical person often uses negative thoughts and feelings to mask their sense of loss or disappointment.
• Listen beyond the emotion. What is the person really feeling? Use active listening and empathic responding. Listen to understand the person’s situation and what respect, control, recognition, security or value they lost. Help a person feel understood as a tool to defuse their negative feelings. Once that is done, you can determine if you can help the person get what they need or just acknowledge that you understand why they feel the way they do.
• Don’t rehearse what you are going to say while the person is talking. When a cynical/negative person thinks you are not listening, they can spiral deeper into their feelings. They don’t need you to fix them. They need you to listen and understand.
• Ask the person if they want to find a solution or just need to vent. You don’t need to agree with the person, but you do need to know what they need in the moment. Acknowledge their feelings (reflect what you observe and hear). Often, a cynical person walks through life believing no one cares or no one really understands them.
• Establish healthy boundaries. You can offer the contact a safe place to vent or process their negative thoughts and feelings while offering support through active listening and empathic responding. This does not mean that you need to allow the cynical person to continue their negative cycle if they are unwilling to look for a solution or different way to deal with the problem. It is OK to tell the person, “I understand why you feel this way, but it doesn’t look like there is anything I can do to help the situation. I would be happy to talk with you some more when you are willing to take a step forward.”