When my husband retired from his 29-year law enforcement career, we thought we had it all figured out. We attended his retirement seminar and generally planned for an adjustment period. I expected that he would have some temporary difficulties because of how overinvested he was in the job and his police identity, but what he experienced as he navigated retirement was beyond anything either of us expected. My professional expertise as a police psychologist went out the window, and my full wife’s brain kicked in. He was struggling, and we were struggling, and neither of us knew how to help him navigate retirement. Although every retiree’s experience will be different, here are some of the insights and information that I wish we had at the start of it.

Do the things you love and to do them well. For many retired cops, this involves some experimentation and trying new things.

The adjustment

At the start of a law enforcement career, many police officers feel inexperienced and uncertain about doing the job despite completing an arduous academy that is supposed to equip them with foundational knowledge and training. With more time on the job comes more real-world experience, ongoing training and mentorship from more seasoned officers to help you establish a firm foundation and gain confidence in your role as a police officer.

Adjusting to retirement follows a similar process. Despite attending retirement seminars, many retired officers quickly realize how unprepared they really are. Some retirees figure it out relatively easily, while others struggle and feel like a fish out of water. Just like when you started your career, successfully adapting to retirement involves time on, learning from experiences, acquiring additional knowledge and skills, identifying new activities, seeking mentorship from retirees who seem to be doing it right and leaning on your support system.

Many of your loved ones and co-workers may say things like “Enjoy retirement” or “I wish I was retiring.” These statements are well-intended but also set an expectation that you should be happy and content in retirement. When officers experience difficulties adapting to retired life, many suffer in silence out of shame and confusion about why they are feeling the way they are feeling. It is nearly impossible to come out of a law enforcement career unscathed in terms of your physical, mental and relationship health. Police work conditions your brain and body to operate under very specific conditions. In retirement, those conditions abruptly change, and the camaraderie and support you have from your partners on the job ends.

A roadmap for navigating retirement

A significant component of successfully navigating retired life involves making sense of being retired, which includes finding new purpose and meaning. This was difficult for my husband, and I struggled to help him navigate through this part of his adjustment to retirement. I scoured the internet looking for anything retirement-related that might help. That’s when I stumbled across this TEDx Talk by educator Riley Moynes (tinyurl.com/mtn374ye). His 13-minute talk made everything make sense. Through his own experience and interviews with retirees, he identified four phases of adjusting to retirement that I have found helpful in my work with law enforcement retirees. Although each person is unique in how they move through these phases, this framework provides a roadmap for what to expect.

Phase 1: Vacation. This phase is exactly what it sounds like. For most people, the vacation phase represents an idealistic view of retirement … relaxation and fun in the sun. This phase could last a few days, weeks or months. Your mission is to enjoy it.

Phase 2: Feeling loss and lost. Over time, the vacation phase loses its luster, boredom sets in and you miss the routine. Significant losses associated with retirement begin to surface in this phase — loss of routine, identity, relationships, sense of purpose and, for some, a loss of power. You may feel like you have been hit with a lot all at once, which can be overwhelming. It is normal to experience feelings of fear, anxiety and depression in this phase. Your existing supportive resources and how you cope with what you experience during this phase can make all the difference in moving you forward or keeping you stuck. During times of discomfort, we lean on what we know, so it is important to start developing healthy habits and have a few people in your circle to lean on when it gets tough. My husband initially leaned on alcohol and socially isolated himself. Let me tell you that this is a recipe for disaster. He had to recalibrate a bit to get himself unstuck and was able to find healthier ways of navigating difficult emotions.

Phase 3: Trial and error. As you work through phase two, you begin to ask yourself, “How can I make my life meaningful again?” or “How can I contribute?” The simple answer is to do the things you love and to do them well. For many retired cops who may have lost meaningful activities outside of law enforcement, this involves some experimentation and trying new things. This process can sometimes deliver disappointment and failure, both of which are entirely normal. The goal here is to find different activities that will make you want to get up each day. Although this may push you out of your comfort zone, stick with it. If not, you risk slipping back into phase two and again feeling like you’ve been hit by the proverbial emotional and psychological bus. For my husband, establishing a new routine, learning new ways to cook (something he loves) and acquiring some new skills doing things he’s never done (thanks to YouTube University) helped him challenge himself and regain confidence and a sense of accomplishment.    

Phase 4: Reinvent and rewire. Not everyone gets to this phase, but those who do are the happiest in retirement. This phase involves answering some tough questions, such as “What’s the purpose here?” and “What’s my mission?” In this phase, you are successful in finding activities that are meaningful and give you a sense of accomplishment. Almost always, this involves service to others. As you reinvent and rewire yourself, the losses experienced in phase two are recovered. My husband took about five years to get to this phase, and let me tell you how great it is to see the man I love enjoying life again and embracing being retired.

The takeaway

Feeling uncomfortable during the retirement transition is normal and often temporary. How you choose to work through these phases will make all the difference. Whether you are still on the job or retired, take inventory of areas of your life such as your physical health, mental health, relationship health, coping tools and any interests you have beyond law enforcement. Identify both your strong and challenge areas and begin investing in the parts of your life that need work. Feel free to email me (drbaumgart@att.net) if you are interested in getting a free copy of the worksheet that I use to help retiring and retired cops take inventory.

Remember that you are not the first nor the last police officer to retire. Seek guidance from already retired cops and observe what they are doing well versus where they are struggling. Partner up with a couple of retirees and strive to make each other better. Reach out for help when you need it, as there are so many amazing resources available these days. I promise you that you do not have to suffer in silence. You deserve to have a meaningful and fulfilling retirement after years of serving your community.